Women are humans and humans should be allowed to be curious about their bodies, allowed to have sexual needs without the shame of fulfilling them. Women are often condemned for their sexuality from trauma, sexual violence, right down to someone simply complaining that a woman should “cover up.” What if “sexy” was more than a label? What if it was something that women were able to own themselves? Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D. argues in her book, “Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want,” that sexuality belongs to no one else but the person themselves. A central part of knowing “your sexy,” as Dr. Solomon calls it, includes acknowledging that it will change over time. It’s obvious that this book was carefully written for those of us who want to read about sex intellectually. It is a continuation of the sex education we might have never received and a personal journey of sexual awareness.
Dr. Solomon discusses issues found in sex education classes in most schools in the United States. When we first learn about sex, we learn about the negative outcomes such as unwanted pregnancy or STDs. When we are taught that sex is disgusting, we are led to believe that having sex “lowers [our] value as a human being.” Sex education in many schools provokes fear in youth instead of open curiosity and love, which most of us secretly have. In sex-ed classes, the emotional aspects and feelings that youth may never had a chance to discuss. Another aspect often left out of the sex education agenda is porn literacy. Porn can misguide youth about what sex is supposed to be like. Dr. Solomon writes, “When fear guides sex education, porn literacy is omitted.” This history is a significant part of the beginning of our journey. As the book progresses, we learn how fear and trauma affect our sexual desire and whether we say “yes” to someone out of love or fear.
“Taking Sexy Back” is not meant to be a replacement for therapy but it can help if you can’t afford therapy, and you want to build your awareness about sexuality. It’s also worth reading if you would also like to teach your children about sex in a loving way that is open to the questions children may have and provides answers with loving and safe intentions, not avoidance. I’ll also admit this book made me self-aware of my behavior when it came to reading this book on public transportation. I was a bit nervous of what people might think on the train if they saw me reading an advanced copy! As I continued reading, the less I cared if others saw me reading it. If anything, I would love to thank Dr. Solomon for writing a book that allows me and others to continue our sex education.
“Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want” By Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D. New Harbinger Publications, 248 pages
Angelica Flores is a Mexican-American writer and Dominican University graduate. She enjoys working on English-Spanish translations and has created the Southwest Nest Series for the online arts publication, Sixty Inches From Center. She also writes for The Gate Newspaper, where she has reviewed books, films, and theater performances. She works for the Poetry Foundation and is the owner of the blog, The Macaron Raccoon.
Saving American Prairies: A Review of "Back from the Collapse" by Curtis H. Freese Ecologist Curtis H. Freese describes the recent destruction of the Great Plains ecosystem due to Euro-American hunting, farming and cattle grazing, and convinces us that every living creature that was once part of the whole is required in the restoration of this biodiverse ecosystem.
